Saturday, March 31, 2012

If I Didn't Have You...

Without question, the most appropriate answer to the question,

"What would I do without you?" is,

"Curl up into a ball and die?"

If you don't understand why that's funny, I'm pretty sure we shouldn't be friends. There is my relationship litmus test. TADA.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Charlies Dickens was an ass

So BIB1 and I got into a discuss about Victorian literature. Specific Dickens whom I hate with all my literary heart.

I read Great Expectations cover to cover TWICE trying to dig out the meaning and the lesson behind the tale. It was an amazing book right up until the end when the benefactor tells the protagonist that he will not be getting the girl, he will not be getting the money, he is a street rat and will never be anything more.

It's like Dickens leads you down the path and just when you see your house, your safe place the place you've been yearning for, like water to a dry man, and then Dickens takes that knife, rams it in your gut and twists.

As the poisonous bile runs into your viscera he tells you that all you love and all you desire will burn and that all your efforts are for nothing.

I know that all things fall into entropy but how do you live a life where your focus is the death and decay of all you want. Yes, we are all ashes and dirt with the desire to return from that dust and that simple state but why in the world can't we imagine and love and hold and forget. Why can't we lie and choose ignorance for short periods of time?

Ignorance may not be a state you should live in constantly and accepting truth is paramount but god damn why can't our imagination sore beyond the limitations of our flesh and blood?

Fuck you Dickens, fuck you for your talent to pull me up to the highest peak and throw me off and never, ever tell me that the journey was worth it. I want to love and forget that one day it will all be silence and darkness. Fuck you for putting chains on the one thing that can transcend life itself, our imaginations. Without it we are just the dust and dirt and I don't want to live as dust and dirt.


Sunday, March 18, 2012

24 hours of Bad Ideas

The bad idea bears got some bad ideas.
They tried some other bad ideas.
They avoided at least 1 bad idea.
They took a walk and found some awesome things, they took them and brought them home.
The bad idea bears have had almost 24 hours of bad ideas.


Thursday, March 15, 2012

In the desert you can remember your name

Social Anxiety is a funny thing unless you have Social Anxiety.

When you hang out with people you don't see often you may periodically struggle for common topics. The interval of this struggle is called the "awkard silence". This gets easier over time but for those of us with Social Anxiety the very first awkward silence makes you want to bolt. Because Social Anxiety amplifies that first awkward silence by 10,000,000. The longer it last the more and more certain you are that you have murdered their puppy, assaulted their grandmother and burned their house to the ground. If it lasts too long Social Anxiety might actually force you to run straight out the door.


Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Waiting for Reality to Settle Itself

Hi. I'm BIB1 and I have a whole host of bad ideas fueled by the psychotic sleep aid, ambien.

Like right now, it's 8:27am and thank the non-existent god for remote access. I am working from home because I can't drive while still seeing 2 of everything.

When the ambien doesn't work and you are left awake and drugged to the gills - smart people lay down, maybe in a place where they might sleep. Not us. Insomnia wins for the night and we spent the entirety of the evening specifically not sleeping.

The hallucinations have stopped, I got tons done on a knitting project (which I only vaguely remember doing) and my vision is almost back to single focus.

Nancy Friday wrote a book called "Women on Top". If you have not read it, you should. It's the book that made me realize that my somewhat odd sexual proclivities are not uncommon. This was obviously pre-internet, now you can find anything about any kind of sex with the click of a button. That's amazing. People don't realize how amazing. We should be continuously awe-struck. So, read the book, maybe you can find the pdf on demonoid or something.

Artwork While Altered

It is when I am most altered that I like to do art work, hence the image in the previous post.

Here is another piece I did, it's for a friend whom is participating in "Pay it forward" with self-made items.

It's a kitty cat with a flamethrower, the background will be a house burning down.



More bears!!!

BIB1 and I have decided to enjoy the insomnia and keep ourselves busy tonight until work in the morning.

I also gave her access to post so I'll be posting at BIB2.

The post I made earlier reminded me: the girls face in porn is extremely important to whether or not I enjoy the porn.

Of course, so is the size and shape of the cock. Really, when it comes to porn that's all I'm interested in seeing from the man.

Here is something dumb I doodled.


Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Day 2 Post 2 Iteration 1

Amateur nude photos are my favorite kind of porn. I can't decide if it's cause it seems more real or if it's because I get excited by the idea it might turn out to be someone I recognize, like an ex-lover.

I also like hi-res pictures, is that weird?

Most other people I know feel intrigued/amused by simple math coincidences but I'm amused by more complex ones. It doesn't make me feel smarter, just more alone.

This blog is starting to feel like a personal, very large post-secret but nothing I'm putting here is secret, it just may not be anything anyone wants to know.

Why are you reading this by the way? Reddit down? Housemates too annoying to be around?

I get to find out some, most likely, terrible news tomorrow that might radically change my next 6-12 months. No, it's not a baby. I'm trying not to think about it too hard. The contents of which will probably end up on my less funny blog. Why do you think I took the ambien so early?

A lot of the things I like are on separate ends of their respective spectrum. I think I have an addictive personality but I also think psychologists are crack-pots.

Vinegar is more attractive to flies than honey is.
Generally my first intuitive reaction is correct but I don't always know why. That's more frustrating than not knowing at all.

I'm looking forward to my art project with a techie friend of mine but I have no idea when I'll have time to learn C and then program something useful in it.

I'll stop here. My insomnia allowing I won't be making a late night post but stay tuned.

Not quite the tempature I was expecting

So someone pointed out what I should really do here is let all my little Ambien rants drop.
All those things that just sound crazy.

I'm starting the recognize the looks on people's faces when they get defensive over someone they are close to or emotionally attached, It comes in many forms: the total avoidance, the total silence, the significant the refrigerator.  Somewhere deep inside there is an animal telling them to track down their competition and destroy it.


Fear and Loathing just came on, time to change the channel.